that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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