That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
