We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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