See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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