I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
