It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
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