Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
