3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
