am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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