I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
zippers are such a cool invention
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
