Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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