It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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