I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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