Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
