My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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