I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
