That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
