Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
