My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Randomize
