I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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