Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
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