You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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