My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
