We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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