they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
