is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
