the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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