Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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