So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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