I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize