All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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