well I can't set my house on fire every night
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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