My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
