Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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