So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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