Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
