I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
