Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
you made out with another girl for some wings
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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