dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
