my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I want to be your penis for a week.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
