how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
