saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
