I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
