Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
