SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
