My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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