You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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