you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
