some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
and you said cock pushups were impossible
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
