Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
There's always time for handjobs
Blood and glitter go together right?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
