After last night, I could never be a politician.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
and she was petting her beer can
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
