I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
