You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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