What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
