ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
