Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
