I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize