I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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