Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
