It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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