bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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