At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
