I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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