corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
