Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
