I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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