Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
