I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Can you bring me the toilet please
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
