Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
