Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
