why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
