i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You dont lie about slip and slides
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
