so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
