I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
When did angry sex become our thing?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
