i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
